I move the 1st. It will be good to get that done with. School starts that same week, as does high school and thus, full-time work.

Otherwise, things are fairly grim. I really hope things get better soon, but I don’t think it’s very likely. I may have been born to do many things, but being happy isn’t one of them. I should stop wanting it so badly.

Happy people make shitty music. I should be thankful.

Damn it, I just wrote a good song. FUUUUCK, that feels good. Jesus. This is the payback for being a fucking hermit and never going outside.
Nahvalr songs on Last.Fm. Go Listen.

In the mail as we speak to grimm houses around the globe.

Fucking finally.

I never want to write in here now, because I don’t want this to become some whiny-bitch-fest. But if I mean it to be a record of what I am doing, then I have to write in it, and I do, so I will.

Literally, everything in my life that made me happy has taken a dramatic and forceful turn for the worse. Reltaionship fucked, self-esteem destroyed, living situation permenantly ruined, independence eliminated. Judo gets more and more humiliating no matter how hard I try. Job gets more boring and numbing while simultaneously not paying enough. Music stalled, stale and frustrating. No friends. No, and I really mean this, no reason to get up in the morning, other than the only worse thing than getting up is going to bed, every night, in this tiny fucking uncomfortable bed from high school with no one to talk to and nothing to look forward to.

I just don’t see the point anymore. I had my chance. That chance is gone. Everything from here on out is just more regret and waiting for something to happen to my body so everyone will fucking shut up and I won’t have to look at anything anymore.

I’ve never felt so rejected in my entire life. My entire being, everything I am and everything I’ve ever done, has been thrown back in my face. None of this was worth it.  I should never have fucking attempted anything.

Everyone and everything is a bunch of bullshit and don’t you ever forget it.